"A squash and a squeeze" - a modern take

An entrepreneur worked all by himself,

with a laptop and phone and some books on a shelf.

A wise old man heard him grumble and say,

“there’s not enough hours in my day.

wise old man, won’t you help me please?

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

“Visit Facebook” said the wise old man,

“Visit Facebook? What a curious plan”

Well Facebook filled his screen with old friends,

and quizzes that drove him round the bend.

The entrepreneur cried “I must be going!

I’ve no time for this, they’re all busy crowing.

My friends are all having more fun than me.

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

And he said, wise old man,

won’t you help me please?

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

“Visit Twitter” said the wise old man,

“Visit Twitter? What a curious plan”

Well Twitter had feeds full of campaigns and cats,

inspirational quotes and celebrity spats.

The entrepreneur cried “Glory be!

None of these people care about me.

My tweets don’t get read and my followers leave.

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

And he said, wise old man,

won’t you help me please?

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

“Visit Linkedin” said the wise old man,

“Visit Linkedin? What a curious plan”

Well Linkedin kept offering a premium plan,

Invites, updates, more connections than Batman.

The entrepreneur cried “Stop I implore!

I don’t want premium!! Don’t ask any more!

Even the gurus on Pulse can see,

my day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

And he said, wise old man,

won’t you help me please?

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

“Visit Pinterest” said the wise old man,

“Visit Pinterest? What a curious plan”

Well Pinterest had food and kitchens within,

and a wonderful Norwegian log cabin.

The entrepreneur cried “Heavens alive!

I logged-on at three, now it’s ten-to-five!

I’m tearing my hair out, I’m down on my knees.

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

And he said, wise old man,

won’t you help me please?

My day is a squash and a squeeze.”

 

“Log out of them all” said the wise old man,

“But then I’ll be back where I first began?”

So he closed Facebook, Twitter in a blink,

“That’s better — at last I”ve some space to think.”

He shut down Pinterest, and switched off Linkedin.

“My day is beginning to feel less thin.

“My digital life was taking control,

I’ll grow my business without losing my soul.”

 

“Thank you, old man, you’ve shown me the way,

I now know there are enough hours in my day.

I don’t need to pin, or tweet, to win,

my happiness can only come from within.”

 

And now he’s ticking off tasks with ease.

It isn’t a squash and it isn’t a squeeze.

 

Yes, he’s ticking off tasks with ease.

It isn’t a squash or a squeeze.

With thanks to Julia Donaldson for the original story — which all my kids love — and my wonderful wife for the inspiration.